🟦 The BASIC DEAL — $399
A perfectly acceptable toilet. Not exciting. Fine.
One standard unit
Flushes (most of the time)
Minimal hand sanitizer (people waste it)
Ideal for: losers, budget events, and low-energy job sites
Frankly, you can do better.

🟥 THE EXECUTIVE FLUSH — $999
Now we’re talking.
Upgraded unit with extra legroom (huge improvement)
Enhanced odor control — smells like success
Interior lighting so you can see what you’re doing
Ideal for: weddings, corporate events, people with taste
Very popular. Tremendous value.

🟨 THE GOLD STANDARD — $2,500
Our flagship toilet. Everyone wants this one.
Gold-colored interior accents (very classy)
Whisper-quiet flush technology
Climate-controlled vibes (don’t ask how)
Mirror positioned for confidence
Ideal for: VIPs, influencers, important people
Other toilets are jealous of this toilet.

 🟪 THE PRESIDENTIAL PACKAGE — $7,500
Nobody’s ever done this before.
Private delivery with security
Extra cleaning crew standing by (many people)
Custom branding with your name in bold letters
Toilet lid that closes authoritatively
Ideal for: rallies, galas, historic moments
This is the toilet people will remember.

Optional Add-Ons
Extra toilet paper — $100/roll (premium ply)
Emergency clean-up — Priced case by case
Non-disclosure agreement — Mandatory
Blame someone else package — Included

For those special events like storming the Capitol, contact us for quantity discount pricing.

*Pricing is per day